fivedayslater (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
fivedayslater) wrote2010-03-16 06:08 pm
fivedayslater) wrote2010-03-16 06:08 pm
Entry tags:
- character: alvida,
- character: boa hancock,
- character: brook,
- character: camie,
- character: domino,
- character: franky,
- character: magellen,
- character: monkey d. luffy,
- character: nami,
- character: nefetari vivi,
- character: nico robin,
- character: nojiko,
- character: portgas d. ace,
- character: roronoa zoro,
- character: sanji,
- character: tony tony chopper,
- character: usopp,
- fandom: one piece,
- fanfic,
- fic: one piece myths,
- origin: ff.net
[Fic] Is it Myth Time Yet?
One Piece Myths: Where I take some myths from all over the world and reenact them with One Piece characters. Because everything is better with One Piece characters. There are currently 10 myths up on fanfiction, and I'm always open to new myth requests that peak my interest, but be warned that I am pretty bad with updates, so you may have to wait a while.
Myth 1: The Tale of the Lovers Cupid and Psyche
Word Count: 3,028
With Sanji as Cupid, Vivi as Psyche, and Hancock as a jerk, which she is in most of these.
Once upon a time, a king had three beautiful daughters, Paula, Kalifa, and Vivi. Vivi, the youngest of the three, was also the most beautiful of them all. So beautiful in fact, that people far and wide started comparing her to the Goddess of Beauty, Boa Hancock. Vivi, being a kind and naïve girl, merely brushed off such praises. Hancock, on the other hand, being above humans, succumbed to the human emotion that is envy, and decided to do something about it.
“Sanji, my son, get in here!” She called. The God of Love, Sanji, flew in eagerly.
“Yes, Hancock! I’m here to serve you, my beautiful Goddess!”
She sighed. “Such praises do not work when one actually is the goddess of beauty. Sanji, I want you to do something for me.” She pointed down at Vivi. “You see her, the one that mocks my beauty? Make her fall in love with the most hideous creature that you can think of.”
“Of course Hancock! Anyone who claims to out match your beauty should-”
“Yes, just see that it gets gone.”
“YEEEEESSSSSS!”
***
So Sanji descended to Earth and crept, invisible, into Vivi’s room while she was sleeping in a way that was not similar creepy stalker. He pulled out one of his arrows and proceeded to stab her with it, but stopped suddenly. Gazing down at the sleeping princess, he couldn’t help but fall in love with her. In his hesitation, his grip slipped and he ended up stabbing himself with his own arrow.
“Well shit.” His little outburst caused Vivi to stir, and in a panic, Sanji fled.
***
The people of the world continued to praise Vivi for her beauty, yet for all of their praising, Vivi had yet to be offered a hand in marriage. Discouraged, Vivi’s parents decided to consult the might oracle, Zoro. He, however, was busy at the moment.
“I’m not doing it.” Zoro said.
“C’mon.” Sanji replied.
“No, I’m not abusing my power like this. It was your slip up anyway.”
“Just do it.”
“No.”
“Do it or I’ll kick your shitty ass all the back to Olympus.
“Yeah, like you could beat me.” They proceeded to fight. Eventually Zoro remembers that he needs to talk to the king and queen and forced Sanji to leave.
“So, Might Oracle Zoro, what should we do about Vivi?”
“Um, well, you see, Vivi is clearly too beautiful for any mortal man to handle. You’re going to have to leave her on the nearest mountain where she’s to wed a monster so horrible that neither the Gods nor mortals can put up with him.” That bastard better appreciate this.
***
The king and queen were quite troubled by this, but Vivi insisted that this was somehow her fault in the first place and that she deserved to go to please the Gods. So Vivi was left at the bottom of the nearest mountain, where Merry-go was there waiting to take her up to the top. At the top, Vivi was surprised to find the most beautiful mansion that she had ever laid eyes on. When she went inside she found that it was packed with the greatest paintings, pottery, jewels, and treasure that Vivi ever saw.
“Hello Vivi!” Vivi turned to find…nothing.“Don’t be alarmed, we are your invisible servants. Just tell us if you ever need anything ever.” Vivi felt tugging on her hands as she was being shown around the mansion. “This is your room. Feel free to take a bath and change. When you’re ready, come down and dinner will be served.” With that, the door was shut and Vivi was left alone.
***
Chopper, now visible, ran down to the kitchen where Sanji was cooking a splendid feast.
“She’s getting ready now.”
“Excellent job Chopper. You’re doing a splendid job.”
“Your praise doesn’t make me happy bastard!” Chopper said while doing his little dance.
When Vivi was done with her bath and changed into the magnificent dress that was laid out for her, she went down to the dining room to find the food laid out brilliantly…and no one there.
“Where is everyone?”
“We’re here, don’t worry.” Vivi jumped.
“Ack! We didn’t mean to startle you!”
“I-it’s okay. But where’s my husband?”
“He’s busy, but he’ll be back later tonight, don’t worry.”
With that Vivi sat down and ate her fill. When she was done, Invisible Chopper took her to her room. Sometime after Vivi crawled into bed, she felt someone else crawl into bed with her.
“Ack!”
“Sorry, my love, I didn’t mean to startle you.”
“…are you my husband?”
“Well, yeah.” She started to light a lamp. He grabbed her wrist. “No, don’t do that.”
“Why not? Can’t I see your face?” The voice paused.
“Well, does it really matter?” Vivi thought about it for a bit, but then arms wrapped around her in an embrace and pulled her close while soft lips kissed her gently. Vivi decided to let it go for tonight.
By morning, he was gone, and Vivi spent the following day being pampered on by Invisible Chopper. This pattern repeated for quite some time; her husband returning every night only to be gone by the next morning. Every other night Vivi would ask, “Why can’t I see your face?”
“Have you any doubt for my love?” Her mystery husband replied. Vivi would shake her head “If you saw me, perhaps you would fear me, perhaps adore me, but all I ask of you is to love me. I would rather you would love me as an equal than adore me as a god.” His words touched Vivi so that she would let the matter drop.
***
For some reason, Vivi started to miss her sisters. One night she stated the fact to her husband, and after wearing him down a bit, he decided that they could visit the next day. Vivi was ecstatic, and told the Merry-go the next morning about her husband’s agreement in the matter, so the Merry-go went to fetch Vivi’s sisters.
When they first arrived they were all happy and grateful to find that their beloved sister had not been eaten like most of the world assumed. However, after Vivi gave them a tour of the mansion where she lived, and recounted all of her husband’s numerous acts of love, the sisters started to get jealous. Really jealous.
“So, what’s he like anyway?” Asked Paula.
“Who?”
“Your husband,” answered Kalifa.
“Oh, he’s very kind and romantic and-”
“Yes, yes we got that much. But what does he look like?” Paula pressed.
“Um, well, I haven’t actually seen him yet.” The sisters just stared at her. “Well he’s really busy during the day and only comes home at night, so…” The sisters shared an evil grin.
“You know, there’s a story in the village below about a hideous monster that’s supposed to live up here.” Kalifa began.
“Yeah, and he’s supposed to prey on young girls. You know, buttering them up and flirting with them before going in for the kill.” Paula added.
“Y-you guys are just being silly. My husband’s not like that.”
“Really? How do you know for sure if you’ve never seen his face?” Questioned Kalifa.
“Here’s what you do, little sister. Hide a lamp and a knife by the bedside. When he’s asleep, light the lamp, and if he is a monster, don’t hesitate in stabbing him through the heart.” Paula suggested.
Vivi’s eyes went wide with surprise, but nodded and after they left, went to go hid the knife and lamp by the bedside.
That night, after her husband came home and fell asleep, Vivi quietly got up and lit the lamp. When the light fell on her sleeping husband, she gasped. He was perfect, soft, golden hair falling gently over his left eye, pale skin practically glowing under the lamp-light, and his wings-he had wings for chrissake!
Her hand shook, however, and some of the wax from the lamp spilled onto his all-to-wonderful face, waking him up. Realizing what was going on, Sanji (for of course it was he) flew out the window. Vivi, horrified at what she had done, jumped out of the window and tried to chase him down, only succeeding to trip up and fall into a mud puddle. No, almost fall into a mud puddle; at the last second Sanji swooped in and caught her. He placed her lightly back on the ground.
“I didn’t want you to see who I was because I wanted you to love me for me.” Sanji explained. “I was going to tell you eventually, but you had to go and do that. Love cannot exist with such doubt in your heart!” and with that flew off, heartbroken.
***
Vivi ended up wandering the country-side, also heartbroken, until she came across a temple. Maybe my love is in there, she thought, but realized he wasn’t when she saw all manner of produce tossed around like this wasn’t a place to worship someone. Never one to leave anything a mess, Vivi cleaned it up. When she was finished she turned to find Nami, Goddess of Agriculture, sitting there.
“Thanks for cleaning that up. The mess was starting to get annoying. It’s like people don’t want a good harvest this year.”
After staring for a bit, Vivi came to her sense and responded with a timid, “Y-you’re welcome.” Nami sighed before standing up and walking over to Vivi.
“Look, I heard about what happened with you and Sanji, and I’d like to help you, you seem like a nice girl.” Vivi cheered up quite a bit. “Unfortunately, there’s nothing I can do to help you with in this manner.” Vivi’s spirits sunk. “Hancock is the goddess you originally offended, and it’s her son whose heart you broke. You’re going to have talk to her.” New determination filling her, Vivi set off to Hancock’s temple.
***
“Well, look who finally decided to show up.” Hancock said when Vivi arrived. “You who mocks my beauty and broke my son’s heart. What else do you wish to steal from me now?”
Vivi stammered a bit, but stood her ground, “I-I want to see Sanji. I need to apologize.”
“As if I would let an annoying whelp like you near him after what you pulled. Lucky for you, however, I am feeling generous today. Come with me.” Hancock lead Vivi to a room full to almost bursting of different grains all mixed together. “If you can sort these grains into those baskets over there” she indicated said baskets by the door to the room, “I will let you see Sanji. You have until tomorrow.” With that she left.
Vivi collapsed to her knees. Sorting out Nami’s produce was one thing, but this was on a whole different level. She started to sob.
***
Sanji was standing just outside and heard everything. Cursing Hancock’s jealousy, he looked down to find an army of ants nearby.
“You’re not seriously going to interfere are you?” Zoro said, standing a few feet away
“You remember what happened last time right? You know, where you stabbed your own leg.”
“Shut up! This had nothing to do with you. Your part is over anyway.” Sanji crouched down and started influencing the ants to crawl into the room and organize the grains into the baskets for Vivi.
Zoro sighed. “Your funeral I guess. Just don’t let Hancock catch you, or it’ll just be harder for her.” He nodded his head towards Vivi.
“She won’t find out if no one tells her.”
“I’m not a snitch!”
“Then quit acting like one!” They started fighting.
***
When Hancock came back the next morning to find all of the grains organized, she was outraged.
“I happen to know for a fact that he who you have betrayed had a hand in helping you. Honestly, those boys fight so damn loud it was like they wanted me to find them.” Vivi just blinked. “Anyway, because of that, you are going to have to perform a different task.”
Hancock took Vivi to a river and pointed at the field beyond it where sheep with golden fleece where grazing. “Your task it to collect some golden wool from the sheep for me. You have until sundown.” With that she vanished.
Full of new determination, Vivi set out to cross the river.
“Ah, I see you’re trying to get the golden wool from the sheep.” Vivi jumped and turned to see a long-nosed man sitting by the river bank. “Many men braver than you have failed at the same task. Those sheep may look innocent, but when the sun is shining down on them like that, they’ll charge and rip you to shreds as soon as they see you. I, however, being the mighty river-god, have succeeded at this task many times, due to my sheer wit, cunning, bravery, and pure brilliance.”
“How can I do this then? Is it just another impossible task she set forth for me to fail?” Usopp, the river-god, looked up at her with pity. “You seem like a nice girl, and Hancock can be pretty stubborn sometimes. I’ll tell you the flawless strategy that the great River-God Usopp has conceived for accomplishing this task.” He motioned for her to come closer, which she did, and whispered in her ear, “Wait until noon, when it’s too hot for the sheep to stay in the field. They’ll go to the shade and the wool you seek will be stuck to the bushes.” He leaned back, apparently satisfied.
So Vivi waited until noon, when the sheep did indeed go to the shade, and she walked over to the bushes, which did have the Golden Fleece attached to it, and grabbed an armful. “Thank you very much Mighty River-God Usopp.” Usopp smiled as she ran off.
***
Hancock was outraged. “That lying river-god helped you out didn’t he? Never matter; I have a new task for you.” She shoved a small box into Vivi’s hands. “Looking after my completely heart-broken son has drained some of my ever-present beauty. You must now head to the Underworld and ask Alvida to share some of hers with me.” And so Vivi was off.
The quickest way to the Underworld, Vivi presumed, was to just throw herself off of the tallest thing she could find and let death take her there. With that in mind, Vivi climbed up to the top of a tall tower.
“What are you doing child?” Vivi turned around and saw a beautiful dark haired women smiling serenely at her. “You are far too young and not nearly depressed enough to contemplate something like suicide.” Vivi then told her about what happened with Sanji and Hancock’s crazy tasks.
“Oh, well, if that’s the case, then wouldn’t killing yourself be a set back? Gods aren’t allowed in the Underworld after all, except for Magellan, of course.”
“Then how am I supposed to get there? It’s not like there’s a back door.”
“Well,” the women, whose name turned out to be Robin, said, “there actually is a back door. Didn’t you hear about that musician who went to the Underworld to claim his dead wife?” Vivi shook her head. “Well, I’ll show you where it is.” Vivi followed Robin down the tower and to the conveniently located back door.
“Thank you for all of your help.” Vivi made her way to the door.
“Don’t mention it. Just don’t open the box on your way back.” Vivi turned around to ask her what she meant, but Robin was gone.
Vivi turned back to face the door and proceeded down into hell. After bypassing the guardian Minokoala and the ferryman Saldeath using secrets that Robin told her on the way there, she came across Alvida sitting in the throne room. After telling her what Hancock wanted, Alvida took the box, filled it, and promptly returned it. Vivi left in quite a hurry after that.
After she got back to the surface, she decided to pull a Pandora and open the box. Instead of finding beauty, she found a sleeping spell and was immediately knocked unconscious. Sanji, who was flying overhead to make sure no harm came to her and was definitely not stalking her, came to her aid as soon as she hit the ground.
“Sweet, naïve Vivi, of course it was a trap.” He whispered lovingly, caressing her cheek. He closed the box, thus ending the enchantment, and flew off before Vivi was fully awake. He had a King to talk to.
***
Luffy, King of all Gods, was eating meat, as always, when Sanji went to see him.
“Hey, Sanji, how’s it going? How’s love and all that doing?”
“Fine, I guess, aside from my own broken heart.”
“Yeah, I heard about that. Funny how you’re the God of Love and all that but you have a broken heart.”
“Yeah, hilarious. Listen, Luffy, I need you to talk to Hancock.” “Why? She’s supposed to be your mom, you talk to her.”
“She won’t listen to me. She’s being impossible with Vivi and won’t just let our love be.”
“Being the God of Love, shouldn’t you have charge over your own love life no matter what Hancock says?” Sanji kicked him in the head.
“It doesn’t work like that! Will you just talk to her?” Luffy sighed, stood, and handed Sanji a bottle.
“Here, just have Vivi drink this. Then she’ll be immortal and Hancock’ll have nothing to complain about.”
“Are you sure? You know what this means right? And I think Hancock will complain no matter what.”
“It’s fine. I like Vivi, so it’s cool. As for Hancock, well, she tends to listen to me, so that’ll be cool too.” He grinned, and Sanji couldn’t help but grin right back.
***
So Sanji found Vivi and had her drink the liquid that Luffy gave him, which made her immortal like him, thus allowing them to get married and have some kids, raise a family, all the good stuff. And they all lived happily ever after, or as happy as Gods can without mortals messing everything up.
Myth 2: Orpheus's Descent to the Underworld
Word count: 1,097
With Brook as Orpheus, Cindry as his dead wife, and Sanji as no one. Be surprised.
Once upon a time, there was a famous musician named Brooke. He was so skilled at playing his violin, that whenever he did so all manners of animals and nymphs and even the occasional god would join in and sing along. One day he met the beautiful Cindry and fell instantly in love. She loved him back with equal fervor, so it was obvious that they did eventually get married.
Brooke was never happier; his songs were always full of happiness and love that they would make even the most emo stink-bug laugh with joy and dance like there was no tomorrow. Cindry was beautiful and lovely and everything was right with the world, so clearly something had to go wrong.
His name was Hogback. He was the random love-child of some god who saw the lovely Cindry in a meadow one day and decided that he must have her for his own! Cindry, being a sensible and reasonable girl, fled the moment he tried to approach her. Their chase ended when Cindry stepped into a snake pit and got bitten. Mere moments later she was dead.
Brooke was distraught. All of his songs were sad and woeful, causing everything within a five mile radius to cry along with him. This of course included the gods.
“Brooke! Your sad songs have moved me to manly tears!” cried Franky.
“So sad…it’s so sad…” cried Luffy.
“There must be something you can do…” Cried Nami.
“That’s it!” Luffy shouted suddenly. “Brooke! You can go talk to Magellan, God of the Underworld, and ask him to bring Cindry back!”
“But, how can I get there? It’s not like there’s a back door to hell or anything…” said Brooke.
“What? There isn’t? Then I’ll just make one. It’ll be right over there.” Luffy pointed towards a cliff face. Nami hit him on the head.
“You can’t just make random entrances to hell!”
“Sure I can! I’m a god!”
“Nice going, Strawhat!” Said Franky. “Now Brooke here can go rescue his damsel!”
“B-but, there’s all sorts of scary things in hell…like…dead things…” Brooke said.
“Don’t worry, Brooke, you have nothing to fear!”
“Because I will be given your divine protection?”
“No, I’m a bit busy at the moment…” Said Franky.
“Yeah, I’ve got things to attend to…” added Nami.
“No can do Brooke. Sorry.” Luffy shrugged.
“Then how will I be okay?! I’m going into freaking hell!”
Luffy stared him right in the eyes. “You love Cindry right?”
“Yes, but-”
“But nothing. If you love her and you want her back, you’ll find a way!” And looking at his determined face, Brooke just couldn’t disagree.
Which was how he now found himself facing the Minokoala, the terrifying beast that guarded hell.
“Seriously, why does hell need to protect people from coming in? Who in their right mind would want to go to hell?”
“You’re here aren’t you?” Saldeath, the ferryman of hell, pointed out.
“Yohoho, well, I’m not exactly what I would call in my right mind. Since I’m here and all though, maybe you can help me. I need to speak to Magellan to see if I can get my dead wife back.”
“Nope. Sorry buddy, but you can’t just waltz on down to hell and except your loved ones to be brought back. There’s a reason why dead things stay dead you know.”
“Please?”
Saldeath sighed. “You’re going to have to do some pretty heavy convincing.”
“That, I can do.” Brooke pulled out his violin and started playing the first thing that came into his head. It was a sad song that moved both the stubborn ferryman and the frightening Minokoala to tears.
“That was…just so sad.” Saldeath cried. “Alright, I’ll take you to see Magellan and Domino. But I’m warning you: don’t expect much. The king and queen of hell aren’t so easily moved.”
“I shall just have to try my best then.” Brooke said.
Saldeath took him right into the throne room of hell, where Magellan and Domino were sitting like they owned the place, which they did.
“Saldeath! Who is this man and why did you bring him before me?”
“Sorry Magellan, but his name is Brooke and he’s got something to say.”
“Well, what is it?”
Brooke gulped audibly and stepped forward. “I’m sorry to interrupt, but my wife died recently and I was wondering if you could bring her back, please?”
Magellan and Domino laughed. “Do you know how many people wish to bring back someone who has died? If I granted everyone their requests, no one would ever end up dead! Why should you be any different?” Brooke took out his violin and started playing.
This song had to have been the saddest one yet. Poor Domino was in tears before Brooke reached the fifth measure. Magellan was at least able to hold out until the very last bars, but in the end he, just like everyone else, was in tears too.
“Th-that was…just so sad…” Domino cried. “Magellan…”
“I know.” Magellan said, “I’ll resurrect your dead wife, but, I can’t just make this so easy for you, you know, there has to be a condition.”
Brooke nodded. “I understand.”
“Very well. The condition is that you can’t look at her.”
“Ever again! That almost defeats the purpose of resurrecting her you cruel, cruel man!”
“Let me finish! Not ever again, just not until you both reach the other side again.”
“Oh, that’s actually very reasonable.” Brooke bowed. “Thank you very much.”
“Yeah, yeah, just get out of here!”
So Brooke and Cindry climbed up through hell to the surface. Along the way they talked of everything that they were going to do when they got back to the surface. Brooke was thrilled that he was getting this second chance with Cindry and couldn’t wait to behold her beauty again. When he finally did get to the surface, he basked in the glow of the sun shining overhead and turned around to share this moment with his beloved.
Unfortunately Cindry wasn’t out of hell when Brooke turned around and met her gaze; she was still partway in hell. The moment they both realized this, she vanished, never to be seen on the surface world again.
Brooke couldn’t believe what had happened. After all of that work and effort…and she was there…and now she wasn’t…
Brooke screamed and cursed the gods and the cruel fate. He snapped his violin in two and never sang another song ever again, instead opting to wander the woods where Cindry died alone, wasting away until he was just bones.
Myth 3: The Taking of Persephone
Word Count: 2,043
With Ace as Hades, Caimie as Persephone, and Sanji as Cupid and Hermes, because I can.
Once upon a time there was a young goddess named Camie who was the daughter of Nojiko, goddess of the earth and Luffy, king of the Gods. As Camie got older, she become so beautiful that her mother feared that she would be taken advantage of and kept her away from prying eyes most of the time.
One day Camie was out frolicking in a field of flowers while Sanji, God of Love, was ‘keeping an eye on her,’ when all of a sudden a monster named Zoro fell from the sky causing a gigantic earthquake that was even felt by Ace, God of the Underworld. Having nothing better to do at the time he decided to go check it out.
“Zoro, what the hell was that for?” Sanji asked.
“Someone pushed me…”
“From the sky?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, you should be more careful, you almost hit me!”
“Well that sucks, ‘cause I was aiming for your big head!” They started fighting.
Sometime during the fight, one of Sanji’s love arrows was accidently set off. This event coincided perfectly with Ace’s appearance and subsequent looking around the field. So perfectly, in fact, that the arrow hit him just as he was looking over at cute little Camie. The falling in love was imminent.
“Oh shit…”Sanji smacked his forehead.
“I’m not going to be the one to explain this to Luffy…” Zoro added.
***
“What!? You hit my brother with your arrow!? Sanji, how could you? No more arrows for you!”
“It was an accident! Besides he’s not dead, just in love.”
“Oh. Well, still no more arrows for you. You can’t just go around and make random people fall in love you know…”
“It was an accident! It was all Zoro’s fault anyway…”
“Sanji, Sanji, you can’t just blame Zoro for everything,” Luffy said, nodding his head sagely. “You have to take your own responsibility sometimes too.”
“That’s rich coming from you! You just gave Ace permission to kidnap your daughter!”
“What!? Which one?”
Sanji sighed. “Camie.”
“Oh yeah. Ace, you can’t kidnap Camie.”
“But Luffy…” Ace interjected, “I love her.”
“Oh, okay then. Do what you want.”
“Luffy!” Sanji shouted, “You can’t just let him kidnap Camie! Think of the consequences!”
“Oh, it’ll be fine, and stop telling me what to do! Like I’m giving your arrows back now.”
“What am I supposed to do without them?”
“Here,” Luffy tossed a pair of winged shoes, a winged helmet, and a staff at Sanji. “Because you shot my brother, you’re going to have to be my bitch for the rest of the story.”
Sanji sighed. “I hate you, I really do.”
***
Ace, meanwhile, set out to make Camie the Queen of the Underworld. And he had a full proof plan too.
He went back to the field where he first saw Camie and waited. Eventually she came back to the same spot, so Ace opened up the ground beneath her and Camie had no choice but to fall to hell.
“Well that went better than I expected. I hope Nojiko doesn’t miss her too much.”
***
As it turns out, Nojiko did miss her. A lot. So much in fact, that she decided that nothing would be able to grow on the earth and buried the world in ice and snow until Camie was found.
“It’s getting pretty bad out their Luffy…” Sanji, messenger of the Gods, commented.
“Ah, it’s fine. She’s just doing what her heart is telling her to do is all.”
“No, like, there’s a famine going on. People are dying. You might want to stop this.” He twirled his new staff.
“It’ll all work out, don’t worry, I know what I’m doing.” Luffy said, completely relaxed. “And don’t you have some errands to run?”
***
Ace, while having successfully brought and married Camie, was having trouble making her happy.
“Camie, darling, please stop crying. Tell me what’s wrong.”
“Y-you, kidnapped me and forced me away from the sun and the flowers and my mother! I wanna go home!”
“Don’t be sad, my love, the Underworld can be a happy place too, if you give it a chance.”
“It’s the realm of the dead! What’s so happy about that?”
Ace thought about it for a moment. “Well…there’s…you’re a queen, can’t you be happy about that at least?”
“I miss my friends…”
“If you think about it, everyone has to die sometime.”
“Gods are immortal you know.”
“Oh yeah.” Camie started to cry again, “but don’t fret, my love. The Underworld can be just as beautiful a place as the earth was…if you give it a chance.”
“R-really?”
“Of course! You’re a queen now, remember, so you can have anything you want! Here, try this drink.”
She refuses. Ace sighs.
***
Nojiko had been wandering around for quite some time now when she stumbled across Pappagu.
“Hey, Nojiko, how’s it going?” Nojiko glares at him.
“I’ve just put the earth in a never-ending winter to reflect my depressed spirit at because my beloved daughter has mysteriously gone missing. How do you think I’m doing?!”
“Missing? Isn’t she just hanging out with Ace in hell?”
Nojiko did a double take. “Excuse me?”
“Well, he brought her to the Underworld and everything.”
“How do you know this?”
“Well I saw it happen.”
“And you didn’t do anything?”
“Look at me! I’m two feet tall! I can’t really do much, even if Ace wasn't the Lord of the Underworld. I wouldn’t stand a chance! Besides, I assumed you knew.”
“Pappagu, never assume anything. It just makes an ass out of you and me. Does Luffy know about this?”
“I assume so…”
“What did I just say about assuming things? I’m going to go talk to him.”
***
“Ah, Nojiko-san. How goes everything?”
“It’s eternal winter Sanji.”
“And yet you’re as beautiful as ever! How may I be of assistance?”
“Where’s Luffy?”
“He’s indisposed at the moment…”
“He’s eating meat, isn’t he?”
“Yeah…”
“Let me see him.”
“It really is quite a grotesque sight…”
“Let me see him anyway.”
“Yes ma’m!” Sanji led Nojiko to where Luffy was, stuffing his face with meat.
“Oh, Nojiko! How’s the earth and stuff?”
“It’s eternal winter.”
“Still? How boring. What’s up?”
“Luffy,” Nojiko got right up in his face, “did you know that Camie was trapped in the Underworld?”
“Hm? She is? When did that happen?”
“Oh, you know, Luffy,” Sanji flipped through some papers on a clipboard that came from nowhere, “I assume around the time when you told Ace he could kidnap her…”
“You did what!?” She grabbed his shirt and started shaking him. “Why. Did. You. Let. My. Daughter. Get. Kidnapped!?”
“Ow! I don’t remember! Sanji?” Luffy asked. Sanji flipped through some more pages.
“He said he was in love.”
“That’s the stupidest excuse I’ve ever heard!” She tossed Luffy against a pillar. “Go get her back right now!”
“Why should I?”
“If you don’t I’ll never let this winter end!”
“What’s that go to do with me.”
“You know,” Sanji said, “if winter never ends, the people are going to run out of meat…”
“Yeah, and?”
“Stupid. If they don’t have enough meat for themselves, how are they supposed to give meat to you?”
Luffy thought this over for about thirty seconds. “Wait…so…if winter never ends…HOW AM I GOING TO GET MEAT?! Nojiko, end this thing right now!”
“Get Camie back from the Underworld first.”
“Fine. Sanji?”
Sanji sighed. “I’m on it.”
***
Sanji had no trouble finding the Underworld or getting past all of the usually dangers. Finding Camie, on the other hand, was proving to be a bigger challenge.
“You’re playing what?” Sanji asked again.
“Hide and seek,” Ace replied, “with the Helmet of Invisibility.”
“Why…”
“It’s more fun this way.” He grinned. Sanji slapped his forehead.
“Look, Nojiko is looking for her, and she’s pretty steamed so…”
“Mother? Mother is looking for me?” Camie removed the helmet and appeared right next to Ace.
“There you are babe!” He put his arm around her shoulder.
“I’ve been missing mother. Is she really looking for me?” Camie asked.
“Of course she is, my dear,” Sanji replied, “she’s even keeping it eternally winter until you return to her side.”
“Sorry Ace, it’s been fun and all, but…”
“It’s alright, my love.” Ace replied holding out a pomegranate. “A little snack before you leave?”
“I guess its okay…” Camie took a bite out of the fruit.
“Whoa, wait, hold on a minute-” Sanji said. Ace interrupted by putting an arm around his shoulder.
“Oh, Sanji, relax. Since when where you the one to get in the middle of true love?” Sanji sighed.
“I can’t leave a young maiden down here when she clearly wants to go back up.” Sanji grabbed Camie’s wrist and she dropped the rest of the fruit. It was Ace’s turn to sigh.
“I understand.” He turned to Camie. “Just, remember me when you’re on the surface again, love.”
With that, Sanji took Camie in his arms and brought them both back to the surface.
***
“Camie!” Nojiko brought her into the biggest bear-hug she was capable of. “I missed you so much!”
“I missed you too, mother.” Camie hugged her back with just as much intensity.
“You didn’t eat anything while you were down there did you?” Luffy asked.
“Wh-why would you ask that?”
“Standard procedure.”
“Of course she didn’t eat anything! She knows better than that.” Nojiko looked at her daughter. “Right sweetie?”
“Um…well, there was that one pomegranate…”
“What?!”
“But I only ate half of it! I dropped the rest when Sanji-chin grabbed me.” Nojiko turned and slapped Sanji.
“Ow! Nojiko-san, why?”
“You grabbed her? And you couldn’t stop her from eating the whole fruit?”
“Ah, what a bother.” Luffy said. “I guess you’ll have to go back to the Underworld.”
Nojiko clutched Camie with a force that would have crushed any mortal. “But, why?” Camie asked.
“Well, Camie-chan,” Sanji explained, “If you eat something while you’re in the Underworld, you have to stay there. That’s just the way it is.”
“If she has to go back to the Underworld, I’m going to make it winter forever again!”
“Erg! What a bother!” Luffy sighed. “Ace, get up here!”
Ace appeared as if by magic. “You called bro?”
Luffy nodded. “Camie at the mystery fruit so she has to go with you, but if she does Nojiko will make it so there’s no meat.”
“Well, that’s not really my fault. Some people need to learn to let go.”
“What was that hell boy? You shouldn’t kidnap people’s daughters!”
“Stop fighting you guys. Can’t you just share her?”
“You should care more, Luffy, she’s your daughter!” Nojiko shouted.
“Camie’s not a piece of meat!” Ace added.
“Actually, that might work…” Sanji said.
“Eh?”
“Pardon?”
“Yeah, I’m so smart.” Luffy sat back and grinned. “Sanji, what did I say?”
Sanji sighed. “They could just share her.”
“Hey, Sanji, we can’t pull a Solomon here…”
“I know that stupid! What I’m saying is that she only ate half of the pomegranate. That’s only four seeds, so she only has to be there for four months out of the year. During those four months, Nojiko-san here can rage about in any manner she wishes-which by the way is very cute-and no permanent damage will actually be done to the earth.”
“What about the meat?”
“The meat will be fine, dumbass.”
“Oh, yeah! That works. I like that plan; let’s do that.”
“I agree to it I guess,” Ace said, “as long as I can have my Queen, I’m happy.”
“Humph. As long as I get her back for most of the time, I guess it’s okay.”
“So, I can stay with mother and Ace-chin?”
“Yup.” Luffy grinned. “It’s a perfect plan, glad I thought of it.”
“I thought of it, idiot.” Sanji muttered.
So Camie became the beautiful Queen of the Underworld, which made Ace happy, Nojiko got to take it out on everyone else and keep her daughter, which made her quite happy, Luffy got to keep his meat, and Luffy got someone to fill in part-time as his errand boy when Sanji demanded to become the God of Love again. All in all, a happy ending for everyone.
Three for today, more for tomorrow
Myth 1: The Tale of the Lovers Cupid and Psyche
Word Count: 3,028
With Sanji as Cupid, Vivi as Psyche, and Hancock as a jerk, which she is in most of these.
Once upon a time, a king had three beautiful daughters, Paula, Kalifa, and Vivi. Vivi, the youngest of the three, was also the most beautiful of them all. So beautiful in fact, that people far and wide started comparing her to the Goddess of Beauty, Boa Hancock. Vivi, being a kind and naïve girl, merely brushed off such praises. Hancock, on the other hand, being above humans, succumbed to the human emotion that is envy, and decided to do something about it.
“Sanji, my son, get in here!” She called. The God of Love, Sanji, flew in eagerly.
“Yes, Hancock! I’m here to serve you, my beautiful Goddess!”
She sighed. “Such praises do not work when one actually is the goddess of beauty. Sanji, I want you to do something for me.” She pointed down at Vivi. “You see her, the one that mocks my beauty? Make her fall in love with the most hideous creature that you can think of.”
“Of course Hancock! Anyone who claims to out match your beauty should-”
“Yes, just see that it gets gone.”
“YEEEEESSSSSS!”
***
So Sanji descended to Earth and crept, invisible, into Vivi’s room while she was sleeping in a way that was not similar creepy stalker. He pulled out one of his arrows and proceeded to stab her with it, but stopped suddenly. Gazing down at the sleeping princess, he couldn’t help but fall in love with her. In his hesitation, his grip slipped and he ended up stabbing himself with his own arrow.
“Well shit.” His little outburst caused Vivi to stir, and in a panic, Sanji fled.
***
The people of the world continued to praise Vivi for her beauty, yet for all of their praising, Vivi had yet to be offered a hand in marriage. Discouraged, Vivi’s parents decided to consult the might oracle, Zoro. He, however, was busy at the moment.
“I’m not doing it.” Zoro said.
“C’mon.” Sanji replied.
“No, I’m not abusing my power like this. It was your slip up anyway.”
“Just do it.”
“No.”
“Do it or I’ll kick your shitty ass all the back to Olympus.
“Yeah, like you could beat me.” They proceeded to fight. Eventually Zoro remembers that he needs to talk to the king and queen and forced Sanji to leave.
“So, Might Oracle Zoro, what should we do about Vivi?”
“Um, well, you see, Vivi is clearly too beautiful for any mortal man to handle. You’re going to have to leave her on the nearest mountain where she’s to wed a monster so horrible that neither the Gods nor mortals can put up with him.” That bastard better appreciate this.
***
The king and queen were quite troubled by this, but Vivi insisted that this was somehow her fault in the first place and that she deserved to go to please the Gods. So Vivi was left at the bottom of the nearest mountain, where Merry-go was there waiting to take her up to the top. At the top, Vivi was surprised to find the most beautiful mansion that she had ever laid eyes on. When she went inside she found that it was packed with the greatest paintings, pottery, jewels, and treasure that Vivi ever saw.
“Hello Vivi!” Vivi turned to find…nothing.“Don’t be alarmed, we are your invisible servants. Just tell us if you ever need anything ever.” Vivi felt tugging on her hands as she was being shown around the mansion. “This is your room. Feel free to take a bath and change. When you’re ready, come down and dinner will be served.” With that, the door was shut and Vivi was left alone.
***
Chopper, now visible, ran down to the kitchen where Sanji was cooking a splendid feast.
“She’s getting ready now.”
“Excellent job Chopper. You’re doing a splendid job.”
“Your praise doesn’t make me happy bastard!” Chopper said while doing his little dance.
When Vivi was done with her bath and changed into the magnificent dress that was laid out for her, she went down to the dining room to find the food laid out brilliantly…and no one there.
“Where is everyone?”
“We’re here, don’t worry.” Vivi jumped.
“Ack! We didn’t mean to startle you!”
“I-it’s okay. But where’s my husband?”
“He’s busy, but he’ll be back later tonight, don’t worry.”
With that Vivi sat down and ate her fill. When she was done, Invisible Chopper took her to her room. Sometime after Vivi crawled into bed, she felt someone else crawl into bed with her.
“Ack!”
“Sorry, my love, I didn’t mean to startle you.”
“…are you my husband?”
“Well, yeah.” She started to light a lamp. He grabbed her wrist. “No, don’t do that.”
“Why not? Can’t I see your face?” The voice paused.
“Well, does it really matter?” Vivi thought about it for a bit, but then arms wrapped around her in an embrace and pulled her close while soft lips kissed her gently. Vivi decided to let it go for tonight.
By morning, he was gone, and Vivi spent the following day being pampered on by Invisible Chopper. This pattern repeated for quite some time; her husband returning every night only to be gone by the next morning. Every other night Vivi would ask, “Why can’t I see your face?”
“Have you any doubt for my love?” Her mystery husband replied. Vivi would shake her head “If you saw me, perhaps you would fear me, perhaps adore me, but all I ask of you is to love me. I would rather you would love me as an equal than adore me as a god.” His words touched Vivi so that she would let the matter drop.
***
For some reason, Vivi started to miss her sisters. One night she stated the fact to her husband, and after wearing him down a bit, he decided that they could visit the next day. Vivi was ecstatic, and told the Merry-go the next morning about her husband’s agreement in the matter, so the Merry-go went to fetch Vivi’s sisters.
When they first arrived they were all happy and grateful to find that their beloved sister had not been eaten like most of the world assumed. However, after Vivi gave them a tour of the mansion where she lived, and recounted all of her husband’s numerous acts of love, the sisters started to get jealous. Really jealous.
“So, what’s he like anyway?” Asked Paula.
“Who?”
“Your husband,” answered Kalifa.
“Oh, he’s very kind and romantic and-”
“Yes, yes we got that much. But what does he look like?” Paula pressed.
“Um, well, I haven’t actually seen him yet.” The sisters just stared at her. “Well he’s really busy during the day and only comes home at night, so…” The sisters shared an evil grin.
“You know, there’s a story in the village below about a hideous monster that’s supposed to live up here.” Kalifa began.
“Yeah, and he’s supposed to prey on young girls. You know, buttering them up and flirting with them before going in for the kill.” Paula added.
“Y-you guys are just being silly. My husband’s not like that.”
“Really? How do you know for sure if you’ve never seen his face?” Questioned Kalifa.
“Here’s what you do, little sister. Hide a lamp and a knife by the bedside. When he’s asleep, light the lamp, and if he is a monster, don’t hesitate in stabbing him through the heart.” Paula suggested.
Vivi’s eyes went wide with surprise, but nodded and after they left, went to go hid the knife and lamp by the bedside.
That night, after her husband came home and fell asleep, Vivi quietly got up and lit the lamp. When the light fell on her sleeping husband, she gasped. He was perfect, soft, golden hair falling gently over his left eye, pale skin practically glowing under the lamp-light, and his wings-he had wings for chrissake!
Her hand shook, however, and some of the wax from the lamp spilled onto his all-to-wonderful face, waking him up. Realizing what was going on, Sanji (for of course it was he) flew out the window. Vivi, horrified at what she had done, jumped out of the window and tried to chase him down, only succeeding to trip up and fall into a mud puddle. No, almost fall into a mud puddle; at the last second Sanji swooped in and caught her. He placed her lightly back on the ground.
“I didn’t want you to see who I was because I wanted you to love me for me.” Sanji explained. “I was going to tell you eventually, but you had to go and do that. Love cannot exist with such doubt in your heart!” and with that flew off, heartbroken.
***
Vivi ended up wandering the country-side, also heartbroken, until she came across a temple. Maybe my love is in there, she thought, but realized he wasn’t when she saw all manner of produce tossed around like this wasn’t a place to worship someone. Never one to leave anything a mess, Vivi cleaned it up. When she was finished she turned to find Nami, Goddess of Agriculture, sitting there.
“Thanks for cleaning that up. The mess was starting to get annoying. It’s like people don’t want a good harvest this year.”
After staring for a bit, Vivi came to her sense and responded with a timid, “Y-you’re welcome.” Nami sighed before standing up and walking over to Vivi.
“Look, I heard about what happened with you and Sanji, and I’d like to help you, you seem like a nice girl.” Vivi cheered up quite a bit. “Unfortunately, there’s nothing I can do to help you with in this manner.” Vivi’s spirits sunk. “Hancock is the goddess you originally offended, and it’s her son whose heart you broke. You’re going to have talk to her.” New determination filling her, Vivi set off to Hancock’s temple.
***
“Well, look who finally decided to show up.” Hancock said when Vivi arrived. “You who mocks my beauty and broke my son’s heart. What else do you wish to steal from me now?”
Vivi stammered a bit, but stood her ground, “I-I want to see Sanji. I need to apologize.”
“As if I would let an annoying whelp like you near him after what you pulled. Lucky for you, however, I am feeling generous today. Come with me.” Hancock lead Vivi to a room full to almost bursting of different grains all mixed together. “If you can sort these grains into those baskets over there” she indicated said baskets by the door to the room, “I will let you see Sanji. You have until tomorrow.” With that she left.
Vivi collapsed to her knees. Sorting out Nami’s produce was one thing, but this was on a whole different level. She started to sob.
***
Sanji was standing just outside and heard everything. Cursing Hancock’s jealousy, he looked down to find an army of ants nearby.
“You’re not seriously going to interfere are you?” Zoro said, standing a few feet away
“You remember what happened last time right? You know, where you stabbed your own leg.”
“Shut up! This had nothing to do with you. Your part is over anyway.” Sanji crouched down and started influencing the ants to crawl into the room and organize the grains into the baskets for Vivi.
Zoro sighed. “Your funeral I guess. Just don’t let Hancock catch you, or it’ll just be harder for her.” He nodded his head towards Vivi.
“She won’t find out if no one tells her.”
“I’m not a snitch!”
“Then quit acting like one!” They started fighting.
***
When Hancock came back the next morning to find all of the grains organized, she was outraged.
“I happen to know for a fact that he who you have betrayed had a hand in helping you. Honestly, those boys fight so damn loud it was like they wanted me to find them.” Vivi just blinked. “Anyway, because of that, you are going to have to perform a different task.”
Hancock took Vivi to a river and pointed at the field beyond it where sheep with golden fleece where grazing. “Your task it to collect some golden wool from the sheep for me. You have until sundown.” With that she vanished.
Full of new determination, Vivi set out to cross the river.
“Ah, I see you’re trying to get the golden wool from the sheep.” Vivi jumped and turned to see a long-nosed man sitting by the river bank. “Many men braver than you have failed at the same task. Those sheep may look innocent, but when the sun is shining down on them like that, they’ll charge and rip you to shreds as soon as they see you. I, however, being the mighty river-god, have succeeded at this task many times, due to my sheer wit, cunning, bravery, and pure brilliance.”
“How can I do this then? Is it just another impossible task she set forth for me to fail?” Usopp, the river-god, looked up at her with pity. “You seem like a nice girl, and Hancock can be pretty stubborn sometimes. I’ll tell you the flawless strategy that the great River-God Usopp has conceived for accomplishing this task.” He motioned for her to come closer, which she did, and whispered in her ear, “Wait until noon, when it’s too hot for the sheep to stay in the field. They’ll go to the shade and the wool you seek will be stuck to the bushes.” He leaned back, apparently satisfied.
So Vivi waited until noon, when the sheep did indeed go to the shade, and she walked over to the bushes, which did have the Golden Fleece attached to it, and grabbed an armful. “Thank you very much Mighty River-God Usopp.” Usopp smiled as she ran off.
***
Hancock was outraged. “That lying river-god helped you out didn’t he? Never matter; I have a new task for you.” She shoved a small box into Vivi’s hands. “Looking after my completely heart-broken son has drained some of my ever-present beauty. You must now head to the Underworld and ask Alvida to share some of hers with me.” And so Vivi was off.
The quickest way to the Underworld, Vivi presumed, was to just throw herself off of the tallest thing she could find and let death take her there. With that in mind, Vivi climbed up to the top of a tall tower.
“What are you doing child?” Vivi turned around and saw a beautiful dark haired women smiling serenely at her. “You are far too young and not nearly depressed enough to contemplate something like suicide.” Vivi then told her about what happened with Sanji and Hancock’s crazy tasks.
“Oh, well, if that’s the case, then wouldn’t killing yourself be a set back? Gods aren’t allowed in the Underworld after all, except for Magellan, of course.”
“Then how am I supposed to get there? It’s not like there’s a back door.”
“Well,” the women, whose name turned out to be Robin, said, “there actually is a back door. Didn’t you hear about that musician who went to the Underworld to claim his dead wife?” Vivi shook her head. “Well, I’ll show you where it is.” Vivi followed Robin down the tower and to the conveniently located back door.
“Thank you for all of your help.” Vivi made her way to the door.
“Don’t mention it. Just don’t open the box on your way back.” Vivi turned around to ask her what she meant, but Robin was gone.
Vivi turned back to face the door and proceeded down into hell. After bypassing the guardian Minokoala and the ferryman Saldeath using secrets that Robin told her on the way there, she came across Alvida sitting in the throne room. After telling her what Hancock wanted, Alvida took the box, filled it, and promptly returned it. Vivi left in quite a hurry after that.
After she got back to the surface, she decided to pull a Pandora and open the box. Instead of finding beauty, she found a sleeping spell and was immediately knocked unconscious. Sanji, who was flying overhead to make sure no harm came to her and was definitely not stalking her, came to her aid as soon as she hit the ground.
“Sweet, naïve Vivi, of course it was a trap.” He whispered lovingly, caressing her cheek. He closed the box, thus ending the enchantment, and flew off before Vivi was fully awake. He had a King to talk to.
***
Luffy, King of all Gods, was eating meat, as always, when Sanji went to see him.
“Hey, Sanji, how’s it going? How’s love and all that doing?”
“Fine, I guess, aside from my own broken heart.”
“Yeah, I heard about that. Funny how you’re the God of Love and all that but you have a broken heart.”
“Yeah, hilarious. Listen, Luffy, I need you to talk to Hancock.” “Why? She’s supposed to be your mom, you talk to her.”
“She won’t listen to me. She’s being impossible with Vivi and won’t just let our love be.”
“Being the God of Love, shouldn’t you have charge over your own love life no matter what Hancock says?” Sanji kicked him in the head.
“It doesn’t work like that! Will you just talk to her?” Luffy sighed, stood, and handed Sanji a bottle.
“Here, just have Vivi drink this. Then she’ll be immortal and Hancock’ll have nothing to complain about.”
“Are you sure? You know what this means right? And I think Hancock will complain no matter what.”
“It’s fine. I like Vivi, so it’s cool. As for Hancock, well, she tends to listen to me, so that’ll be cool too.” He grinned, and Sanji couldn’t help but grin right back.
***
So Sanji found Vivi and had her drink the liquid that Luffy gave him, which made her immortal like him, thus allowing them to get married and have some kids, raise a family, all the good stuff. And they all lived happily ever after, or as happy as Gods can without mortals messing everything up.
Myth 2: Orpheus's Descent to the Underworld
Word count: 1,097
With Brook as Orpheus, Cindry as his dead wife, and Sanji as no one. Be surprised.
Once upon a time, there was a famous musician named Brooke. He was so skilled at playing his violin, that whenever he did so all manners of animals and nymphs and even the occasional god would join in and sing along. One day he met the beautiful Cindry and fell instantly in love. She loved him back with equal fervor, so it was obvious that they did eventually get married.
Brooke was never happier; his songs were always full of happiness and love that they would make even the most emo stink-bug laugh with joy and dance like there was no tomorrow. Cindry was beautiful and lovely and everything was right with the world, so clearly something had to go wrong.
His name was Hogback. He was the random love-child of some god who saw the lovely Cindry in a meadow one day and decided that he must have her for his own! Cindry, being a sensible and reasonable girl, fled the moment he tried to approach her. Their chase ended when Cindry stepped into a snake pit and got bitten. Mere moments later she was dead.
Brooke was distraught. All of his songs were sad and woeful, causing everything within a five mile radius to cry along with him. This of course included the gods.
“Brooke! Your sad songs have moved me to manly tears!” cried Franky.
“So sad…it’s so sad…” cried Luffy.
“There must be something you can do…” Cried Nami.
“That’s it!” Luffy shouted suddenly. “Brooke! You can go talk to Magellan, God of the Underworld, and ask him to bring Cindry back!”
“But, how can I get there? It’s not like there’s a back door to hell or anything…” said Brooke.
“What? There isn’t? Then I’ll just make one. It’ll be right over there.” Luffy pointed towards a cliff face. Nami hit him on the head.
“You can’t just make random entrances to hell!”
“Sure I can! I’m a god!”
“Nice going, Strawhat!” Said Franky. “Now Brooke here can go rescue his damsel!”
“B-but, there’s all sorts of scary things in hell…like…dead things…” Brooke said.
“Don’t worry, Brooke, you have nothing to fear!”
“Because I will be given your divine protection?”
“No, I’m a bit busy at the moment…” Said Franky.
“Yeah, I’ve got things to attend to…” added Nami.
“No can do Brooke. Sorry.” Luffy shrugged.
“Then how will I be okay?! I’m going into freaking hell!”
Luffy stared him right in the eyes. “You love Cindry right?”
“Yes, but-”
“But nothing. If you love her and you want her back, you’ll find a way!” And looking at his determined face, Brooke just couldn’t disagree.
Which was how he now found himself facing the Minokoala, the terrifying beast that guarded hell.
“Seriously, why does hell need to protect people from coming in? Who in their right mind would want to go to hell?”
“You’re here aren’t you?” Saldeath, the ferryman of hell, pointed out.
“Yohoho, well, I’m not exactly what I would call in my right mind. Since I’m here and all though, maybe you can help me. I need to speak to Magellan to see if I can get my dead wife back.”
“Nope. Sorry buddy, but you can’t just waltz on down to hell and except your loved ones to be brought back. There’s a reason why dead things stay dead you know.”
“Please?”
Saldeath sighed. “You’re going to have to do some pretty heavy convincing.”
“That, I can do.” Brooke pulled out his violin and started playing the first thing that came into his head. It was a sad song that moved both the stubborn ferryman and the frightening Minokoala to tears.
“That was…just so sad.” Saldeath cried. “Alright, I’ll take you to see Magellan and Domino. But I’m warning you: don’t expect much. The king and queen of hell aren’t so easily moved.”
“I shall just have to try my best then.” Brooke said.
Saldeath took him right into the throne room of hell, where Magellan and Domino were sitting like they owned the place, which they did.
“Saldeath! Who is this man and why did you bring him before me?”
“Sorry Magellan, but his name is Brooke and he’s got something to say.”
“Well, what is it?”
Brooke gulped audibly and stepped forward. “I’m sorry to interrupt, but my wife died recently and I was wondering if you could bring her back, please?”
Magellan and Domino laughed. “Do you know how many people wish to bring back someone who has died? If I granted everyone their requests, no one would ever end up dead! Why should you be any different?” Brooke took out his violin and started playing.
This song had to have been the saddest one yet. Poor Domino was in tears before Brooke reached the fifth measure. Magellan was at least able to hold out until the very last bars, but in the end he, just like everyone else, was in tears too.
“Th-that was…just so sad…” Domino cried. “Magellan…”
“I know.” Magellan said, “I’ll resurrect your dead wife, but, I can’t just make this so easy for you, you know, there has to be a condition.”
Brooke nodded. “I understand.”
“Very well. The condition is that you can’t look at her.”
“Ever again! That almost defeats the purpose of resurrecting her you cruel, cruel man!”
“Let me finish! Not ever again, just not until you both reach the other side again.”
“Oh, that’s actually very reasonable.” Brooke bowed. “Thank you very much.”
“Yeah, yeah, just get out of here!”
So Brooke and Cindry climbed up through hell to the surface. Along the way they talked of everything that they were going to do when they got back to the surface. Brooke was thrilled that he was getting this second chance with Cindry and couldn’t wait to behold her beauty again. When he finally did get to the surface, he basked in the glow of the sun shining overhead and turned around to share this moment with his beloved.
Unfortunately Cindry wasn’t out of hell when Brooke turned around and met her gaze; she was still partway in hell. The moment they both realized this, she vanished, never to be seen on the surface world again.
Brooke couldn’t believe what had happened. After all of that work and effort…and she was there…and now she wasn’t…
Brooke screamed and cursed the gods and the cruel fate. He snapped his violin in two and never sang another song ever again, instead opting to wander the woods where Cindry died alone, wasting away until he was just bones.
Myth 3: The Taking of Persephone
Word Count: 2,043
With Ace as Hades, Caimie as Persephone, and Sanji as Cupid and Hermes, because I can.
Once upon a time there was a young goddess named Camie who was the daughter of Nojiko, goddess of the earth and Luffy, king of the Gods. As Camie got older, she become so beautiful that her mother feared that she would be taken advantage of and kept her away from prying eyes most of the time.
One day Camie was out frolicking in a field of flowers while Sanji, God of Love, was ‘keeping an eye on her,’ when all of a sudden a monster named Zoro fell from the sky causing a gigantic earthquake that was even felt by Ace, God of the Underworld. Having nothing better to do at the time he decided to go check it out.
“Zoro, what the hell was that for?” Sanji asked.
“Someone pushed me…”
“From the sky?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, you should be more careful, you almost hit me!”
“Well that sucks, ‘cause I was aiming for your big head!” They started fighting.
Sometime during the fight, one of Sanji’s love arrows was accidently set off. This event coincided perfectly with Ace’s appearance and subsequent looking around the field. So perfectly, in fact, that the arrow hit him just as he was looking over at cute little Camie. The falling in love was imminent.
“Oh shit…”Sanji smacked his forehead.
“I’m not going to be the one to explain this to Luffy…” Zoro added.
***
“What!? You hit my brother with your arrow!? Sanji, how could you? No more arrows for you!”
“It was an accident! Besides he’s not dead, just in love.”
“Oh. Well, still no more arrows for you. You can’t just go around and make random people fall in love you know…”
“It was an accident! It was all Zoro’s fault anyway…”
“Sanji, Sanji, you can’t just blame Zoro for everything,” Luffy said, nodding his head sagely. “You have to take your own responsibility sometimes too.”
“That’s rich coming from you! You just gave Ace permission to kidnap your daughter!”
“What!? Which one?”
Sanji sighed. “Camie.”
“Oh yeah. Ace, you can’t kidnap Camie.”
“But Luffy…” Ace interjected, “I love her.”
“Oh, okay then. Do what you want.”
“Luffy!” Sanji shouted, “You can’t just let him kidnap Camie! Think of the consequences!”
“Oh, it’ll be fine, and stop telling me what to do! Like I’m giving your arrows back now.”
“What am I supposed to do without them?”
“Here,” Luffy tossed a pair of winged shoes, a winged helmet, and a staff at Sanji. “Because you shot my brother, you’re going to have to be my bitch for the rest of the story.”
Sanji sighed. “I hate you, I really do.”
***
Ace, meanwhile, set out to make Camie the Queen of the Underworld. And he had a full proof plan too.
He went back to the field where he first saw Camie and waited. Eventually she came back to the same spot, so Ace opened up the ground beneath her and Camie had no choice but to fall to hell.
“Well that went better than I expected. I hope Nojiko doesn’t miss her too much.”
***
As it turns out, Nojiko did miss her. A lot. So much in fact, that she decided that nothing would be able to grow on the earth and buried the world in ice and snow until Camie was found.
“It’s getting pretty bad out their Luffy…” Sanji, messenger of the Gods, commented.
“Ah, it’s fine. She’s just doing what her heart is telling her to do is all.”
“No, like, there’s a famine going on. People are dying. You might want to stop this.” He twirled his new staff.
“It’ll all work out, don’t worry, I know what I’m doing.” Luffy said, completely relaxed. “And don’t you have some errands to run?”
***
Ace, while having successfully brought and married Camie, was having trouble making her happy.
“Camie, darling, please stop crying. Tell me what’s wrong.”
“Y-you, kidnapped me and forced me away from the sun and the flowers and my mother! I wanna go home!”
“Don’t be sad, my love, the Underworld can be a happy place too, if you give it a chance.”
“It’s the realm of the dead! What’s so happy about that?”
Ace thought about it for a moment. “Well…there’s…you’re a queen, can’t you be happy about that at least?”
“I miss my friends…”
“If you think about it, everyone has to die sometime.”
“Gods are immortal you know.”
“Oh yeah.” Camie started to cry again, “but don’t fret, my love. The Underworld can be just as beautiful a place as the earth was…if you give it a chance.”
“R-really?”
“Of course! You’re a queen now, remember, so you can have anything you want! Here, try this drink.”
She refuses. Ace sighs.
***
Nojiko had been wandering around for quite some time now when she stumbled across Pappagu.
“Hey, Nojiko, how’s it going?” Nojiko glares at him.
“I’ve just put the earth in a never-ending winter to reflect my depressed spirit at because my beloved daughter has mysteriously gone missing. How do you think I’m doing?!”
“Missing? Isn’t she just hanging out with Ace in hell?”
Nojiko did a double take. “Excuse me?”
“Well, he brought her to the Underworld and everything.”
“How do you know this?”
“Well I saw it happen.”
“And you didn’t do anything?”
“Look at me! I’m two feet tall! I can’t really do much, even if Ace wasn't the Lord of the Underworld. I wouldn’t stand a chance! Besides, I assumed you knew.”
“Pappagu, never assume anything. It just makes an ass out of you and me. Does Luffy know about this?”
“I assume so…”
“What did I just say about assuming things? I’m going to go talk to him.”
***
“Ah, Nojiko-san. How goes everything?”
“It’s eternal winter Sanji.”
“And yet you’re as beautiful as ever! How may I be of assistance?”
“Where’s Luffy?”
“He’s indisposed at the moment…”
“He’s eating meat, isn’t he?”
“Yeah…”
“Let me see him.”
“It really is quite a grotesque sight…”
“Let me see him anyway.”
“Yes ma’m!” Sanji led Nojiko to where Luffy was, stuffing his face with meat.
“Oh, Nojiko! How’s the earth and stuff?”
“It’s eternal winter.”
“Still? How boring. What’s up?”
“Luffy,” Nojiko got right up in his face, “did you know that Camie was trapped in the Underworld?”
“Hm? She is? When did that happen?”
“Oh, you know, Luffy,” Sanji flipped through some papers on a clipboard that came from nowhere, “I assume around the time when you told Ace he could kidnap her…”
“You did what!?” She grabbed his shirt and started shaking him. “Why. Did. You. Let. My. Daughter. Get. Kidnapped!?”
“Ow! I don’t remember! Sanji?” Luffy asked. Sanji flipped through some more pages.
“He said he was in love.”
“That’s the stupidest excuse I’ve ever heard!” She tossed Luffy against a pillar. “Go get her back right now!”
“Why should I?”
“If you don’t I’ll never let this winter end!”
“What’s that go to do with me.”
“You know,” Sanji said, “if winter never ends, the people are going to run out of meat…”
“Yeah, and?”
“Stupid. If they don’t have enough meat for themselves, how are they supposed to give meat to you?”
Luffy thought this over for about thirty seconds. “Wait…so…if winter never ends…HOW AM I GOING TO GET MEAT?! Nojiko, end this thing right now!”
“Get Camie back from the Underworld first.”
“Fine. Sanji?”
Sanji sighed. “I’m on it.”
***
Sanji had no trouble finding the Underworld or getting past all of the usually dangers. Finding Camie, on the other hand, was proving to be a bigger challenge.
“You’re playing what?” Sanji asked again.
“Hide and seek,” Ace replied, “with the Helmet of Invisibility.”
“Why…”
“It’s more fun this way.” He grinned. Sanji slapped his forehead.
“Look, Nojiko is looking for her, and she’s pretty steamed so…”
“Mother? Mother is looking for me?” Camie removed the helmet and appeared right next to Ace.
“There you are babe!” He put his arm around her shoulder.
“I’ve been missing mother. Is she really looking for me?” Camie asked.
“Of course she is, my dear,” Sanji replied, “she’s even keeping it eternally winter until you return to her side.”
“Sorry Ace, it’s been fun and all, but…”
“It’s alright, my love.” Ace replied holding out a pomegranate. “A little snack before you leave?”
“I guess its okay…” Camie took a bite out of the fruit.
“Whoa, wait, hold on a minute-” Sanji said. Ace interrupted by putting an arm around his shoulder.
“Oh, Sanji, relax. Since when where you the one to get in the middle of true love?” Sanji sighed.
“I can’t leave a young maiden down here when she clearly wants to go back up.” Sanji grabbed Camie’s wrist and she dropped the rest of the fruit. It was Ace’s turn to sigh.
“I understand.” He turned to Camie. “Just, remember me when you’re on the surface again, love.”
With that, Sanji took Camie in his arms and brought them both back to the surface.
***
“Camie!” Nojiko brought her into the biggest bear-hug she was capable of. “I missed you so much!”
“I missed you too, mother.” Camie hugged her back with just as much intensity.
“You didn’t eat anything while you were down there did you?” Luffy asked.
“Wh-why would you ask that?”
“Standard procedure.”
“Of course she didn’t eat anything! She knows better than that.” Nojiko looked at her daughter. “Right sweetie?”
“Um…well, there was that one pomegranate…”
“What?!”
“But I only ate half of it! I dropped the rest when Sanji-chin grabbed me.” Nojiko turned and slapped Sanji.
“Ow! Nojiko-san, why?”
“You grabbed her? And you couldn’t stop her from eating the whole fruit?”
“Ah, what a bother.” Luffy said. “I guess you’ll have to go back to the Underworld.”
Nojiko clutched Camie with a force that would have crushed any mortal. “But, why?” Camie asked.
“Well, Camie-chan,” Sanji explained, “If you eat something while you’re in the Underworld, you have to stay there. That’s just the way it is.”
“If she has to go back to the Underworld, I’m going to make it winter forever again!”
“Erg! What a bother!” Luffy sighed. “Ace, get up here!”
Ace appeared as if by magic. “You called bro?”
Luffy nodded. “Camie at the mystery fruit so she has to go with you, but if she does Nojiko will make it so there’s no meat.”
“Well, that’s not really my fault. Some people need to learn to let go.”
“What was that hell boy? You shouldn’t kidnap people’s daughters!”
“Stop fighting you guys. Can’t you just share her?”
“You should care more, Luffy, she’s your daughter!” Nojiko shouted.
“Camie’s not a piece of meat!” Ace added.
“Actually, that might work…” Sanji said.
“Eh?”
“Pardon?”
“Yeah, I’m so smart.” Luffy sat back and grinned. “Sanji, what did I say?”
Sanji sighed. “They could just share her.”
“Hey, Sanji, we can’t pull a Solomon here…”
“I know that stupid! What I’m saying is that she only ate half of the pomegranate. That’s only four seeds, so she only has to be there for four months out of the year. During those four months, Nojiko-san here can rage about in any manner she wishes-which by the way is very cute-and no permanent damage will actually be done to the earth.”
“What about the meat?”
“The meat will be fine, dumbass.”
“Oh, yeah! That works. I like that plan; let’s do that.”
“I agree to it I guess,” Ace said, “as long as I can have my Queen, I’m happy.”
“Humph. As long as I get her back for most of the time, I guess it’s okay.”
“So, I can stay with mother and Ace-chin?”
“Yup.” Luffy grinned. “It’s a perfect plan, glad I thought of it.”
“I thought of it, idiot.” Sanji muttered.
So Camie became the beautiful Queen of the Underworld, which made Ace happy, Nojiko got to take it out on everyone else and keep her daughter, which made her quite happy, Luffy got to keep his meat, and Luffy got someone to fill in part-time as his errand boy when Sanji demanded to become the God of Love again. All in all, a happy ending for everyone.
Three for today, more for tomorrow